go do what you do best...puke behind churches
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
