So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
