Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
