Ambien. No doubt about it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
