You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
