Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
