Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
