My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
