I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
