I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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