Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
