I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
