After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
