the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I believe in your delicious
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
