I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
