the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
