I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize