my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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