i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just pee around me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
