he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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