Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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