I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize