i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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