Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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