I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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