Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm at about main and main street
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
