Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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