we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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