dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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