It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
