i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize