i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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