it was like fucking gandolphs beard
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
