I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
