omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize