im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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