I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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