How's work?
Spinning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize