I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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