Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
