Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
