You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
