I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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