and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
