you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
