My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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