Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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