I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
