so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
