I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
