dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
