Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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