The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
