I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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