it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
