im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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