cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize