I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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