My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
