Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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