Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
