I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize