Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
