Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
