i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
