Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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