dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
