she told me i tasted like america
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
