I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize