He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
