just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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