theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
