No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
