Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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