WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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