when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize