I think I died a long time ago.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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