YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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