Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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