He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
