it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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