Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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