she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
