I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my shit smells like andre
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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